Trusting Is Tough

This week has been a tough but interesting one. One in which I have really learned to rely on God. Lets start at the beginning...
Exactly one week ago I was on top of the world. I loved my life, my relationships, my classes and jsut all around felt completely loved by my Father and by those in my life. But Monday brought this all to a crashing hault. I received an email from BUGirl (a program which young adult women speak to teenage girls about their value and that they are loved by a Creator), telling me that one of their interns had dropped out. Now let me pull you up to speed on this. I had applied for this internship earlier in the year and they had told me that they were all full and that I should apply again next year. So anyways, I heard about this and was so excited! My dream is for young women around the world to know that they are valueable and that God loves them and this was my perfect job! But a few mins after I read this I realized that I was now in a relationship and this would involve being away for 9 months (which I didn't know if we could make it through). Anyways, I had to tell my boyfriend and knew that this would not be easy. So Monday brought a tough decision with it. Apply and tell him. Don't apply and don't tell him. Apply and don't tell him. Well I decided to tell him first and then apply. God was so gracious through this all and helped us both to see that He had brought us together and that if we trusted him then He would continue to be the foundation of our relationship. After a long conversation and God's grace, we decided I should apply and trust God. The next day I found out that this was not a job but a schooling opportunity that I could not afford so God gave me the answer right there that I could not do it. However, through this time, both Jamo and I grew in our relationship with each other and with God.
So the first big hurdle had been jumped and I feel like God had given us the grace to make the right decision. Then the week continued. I got sick this week with the flu so I missed classes on Tuesday and then had to catch up. After that, when I was in class I just wasn't doing as well and felt like I was constantly behind. I also have been somewhat preoccupied with thoughts of the Stroms and Amy and have been trying to balance that in with my schedule as well. Anyways, long story short, Thursday night came and all my major work is due on Friday. After struggling by myself with a project for quite a few hours I decided to go see the Teaching Assistant for my class, and became even more frustrated following this, thinking that I was never going to get it. After a good cry and a bit of a freak-out, I was able to calm down and try to once again wrap my head around the grammar that had been ruining my life.
Luckily I was not alone and had quite a few people praying for me and helping me to calm down. I managed to finish what I needed to (not all that I was supposed to) and headed to bed. Again God came through for me when I trusted him and gave me the strength to do soemthing I said I would not be able to.
Now this week's story does end on a joyful note. Although I have become quite introverted here and not very social (I know you're all shocked!), I managed to get the courage to go out all day on Saturday (well almost all day). I ended up going to the beach with a bunch of people and God reminded me that I am loved and that He brought me here, not me. And that I would not be able to keep up with all the Linguistics Majors because I am not a Linguistics Major, but that I needed to trust Him.
God continues to bless me even though I am a control freak and a perfectionist and he continues to remind me that he is in control. I am so thankful that I have such a patience, kind, loving, and Strong Father who will hold me when I freak out, wrap his arms around me when I feel lost and celebrate with me when I find him admist all the craziness that is life. Jon Foreman said it beautiful in his song, "Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me"
As long as I remember this I don't need to put so much pressure on myself. In my weakness I may boast about his strength. Remember this Kaitlyn. Your God is strong so you don't need to be.

I ask that you will join me in praying for the Strom family and Amy. Also if you could pray that I would continue to trust God and rely on him (especially when it comes to Grammar class) I would appreciate that. Thank-you all for your prayers. God bless you.

Comments

  1. Of all the linguistics work I did (way back when), syntax and sentence... what did we call it? Sentence mapping? were my achilles heel. (see, I've even blocked out the name...)

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  2. Praying for you, dear Kaitlyn. Lots of love from Calgary! <3 <3 Miss you!

    ReplyDelete

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