Showing posts from April, 2013


What does it mean?
Why do we have it?
I feel like sometimes all I want is for it to go away while other times I'm frantically grasping at it, begging it not to leave me.

When I was fourteen, one of my friends died in a car accident and it hurt so much I would beg God to take the pain away. Yet over time, as the pain slowly began to decrease I found myself trying to bring the hurt back. Try to feel the deep agony. Trying to bring her memory back. Trying not to lose her.

Today I find myself in a similar situation. Many times, Im hurting so deeply and so completely that I beg God to take it all away and remind me of His goodness and bless me with His peace. Yet at other times when He has blessed me with such a gift, I find myself placing myself in situations where I can feel the hurt, where I can grasp at what used to be. Where I can pretend like nothing has changed. Where I pretend I haven't lost anything.

Yet I know this cannot be. I need to allow healing when given a…