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Showing posts from 2013

Pain

Pain.
What does it mean?
Why do we have it?
I feel like sometimes all I want is for it to go away while other times I'm frantically grasping at it, begging it not to leave me.

When I was fourteen, one of my friends died in a car accident and it hurt so much I would beg God to take the pain away. Yet over time, as the pain slowly began to decrease I found myself trying to bring the hurt back. Try to feel the deep agony. Trying to bring her memory back. Trying not to lose her.

Today I find myself in a similar situation. Many times, Im hurting so deeply and so completely that I beg God to take it all away and remind me of His goodness and bless me with His peace. Yet at other times when He has blessed me with such a gift, I find myself placing myself in situations where I can feel the hurt, where I can grasp at what used to be. Where I can pretend like nothing has changed. Where I pretend I haven't lost anything.

Yet I know this cannot be. I need to allow healing when given a…

God is Good

What if God asked you to give up one of the people you loved most? What would you say? What would you do? Would you still trust God and believe that He is good? Would you do what He asked of you?
Well a couple of weeks ago, God asked me to do just that. He asked me to give up a man that I loved. That I had dreamed about having a future with and cared about deeply. At first I was confused (we were confused). We tried to rationalize why we shouldn't break up and strategized on how we could make it work. But in the end we submited. God knew what was best and trying to go against his will was futile. This does not make it easy. Oh no. It was one of (if not the) hardest things I have ever had to do. To say goodbye to someone I loved and was in love with.
But God gave us peace. He gave us strength and He allowed us to end our relationship with no loss of respect for one another. I am so thankful that God gave me a man in the first place who was ok with this.
Now why am I writing all t…

Peace

Ever feel like you're overwhelmed and have too much going on? How many times is your answer to "How are you?" Busy. This was me. Run down, exhausted, with no energy. I didn't have anything that was spurring me on. I didn't have a passion. A desire. A driving force.
This past week God asked me to give up everything. EVERYTHING. He stripped me down to bare bones and made me search for him. I had been asking for Him. Searching for Him, but without giving up things in my life and it just wasn't working. I constantly cried out to Him asking why I was always tired and had no zeal for life. I was trying to figure out why. Then God broke me. Completely broke me. I had nothing to do but search for him. I took away things that distracted me (food, TV, facebook, pinterest). And with all the spare time that I had usually used to distracted my brain from dealing with what was going on, I spent time with Him. I sat in His presence. I read His word. I sang music to Him and…