Post Grad

Today I watched a movie called Post Grad that showed a young woman who had just graduated from University with all the hopes in the world. She was determined and optimistic. However, as time went by, and her job search proved fruitless, she became defeated. She had to move back in with her parents and felt like her degree hadn't helped her at all.
At times I feel very much like this young woman. Although I am not living with my parents, they are helping me to get by as I am struggling to find the right fit. I currently have two jobs (hostess at Milestones and Student Enrolment Advisor at Rocky), but I am not yet covering all my expenses, thus the search continues. My dream job is also yet to be found. Many friends and family have been giving great ideas and suggestions for what I should do, but I do feel like God has me where he wants me and I am waiting for my perfect job.
However, my biggest desire in life right now is purpose. Purpose. I want to be used for God and all around me I see people who are completely following him. I know how to do this when it involves leaving everything behind and going overseas, however, I have not yet figured out how this looks when I am living in Calgary, doing daily mundane life and not ministry. How can I make my life ministry? How can I allow others to see I'm different without putting them off because I'm a Christian? Overseas it is so easy because everyone loves Christians and God. It is positive when they find this out. This is not the case in North America. I don't want to be judgemental, I don't want others to get the wrong picture of God. He is loving, kind, and constant. He never abandons. I am not always kind and don't love like he does. I can be flaky and fearful. How do I allow people to see someone I cannot truthfully represent? How do I allow humanity to see the true picture of someone who has been so misrepresented? Someone they curse daily, yet don't know.
I need God's help and I need rely on him. Independence is what is pushed for in Canada, but I need to give this up for true lasting dependence on the only one who can hold me up.
It makes me wonder how many things we use to give us strength... coffee, caffeine, energy drinks, others, sleep. I don't know exactly what each person uses, but none of these things are going to fulfill us like Christ does. Why are we so resistent for what can truly heal us? Don't we get upset when Doctors don't give us the right diagnosis or medicine? Then why won't we use the one thing that can heal us? Stubborness. Independence. Fear. I need to give up my control and learn to be vulnerable. Learn to be putty in the creators hands rather than lash out at him and get mad when he tries to change me. God take control.


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