Wonderings

I have just realized that I am being a horrible blogger (reminded by reading a friend's blog) and I am sorry for my absence. Life has gotten crazy and the amount of processing and working that I have done is not equal to the number of hours in a day and the number of hours of sleep that I need.
I don't know if any of that made sense.
Anyways, as I am procrastinating on finishing a paper (only 1 page left), I sit here thinking what to say. How do I sum up almost a month of daily struggles and weekly panick attacks (mostly on thursday nights before all my grammar homework is due friday morning). How am I to explain how God has been pushing me and challenging me to grow more? How do I begin to explain the good and the bad, the high and the low?
I am now half-way through the program here at CanIL and I have figured somethings out while bcoming even more confused on other subjects.
What I do know:
- I do not want to do Bible Translation
- I hate grammar and don't like phonology
- Phonetics is incredible! (maybe I'm meant for survery...)
- Only God can get me through all of this
- I have a lot more growing to do.

What I am lost on:
- What is next
- Why I never seem to get a break
- The point of grammar
- The exact reason God brought me here this summer.

My first week at CanIL I felt like I had finally found what I was supposed to be doing. I loved my classes and the environment here is incredible! But as time has gone by I have realized that I only like Phonetics and Language and Society, and that I do not think the reason I am here is necessary to learn what I'm learining in school.
I am currently writing a paper about my own idiolect (my personal langauge) and my idioculture (my personal culture), and while writing it I have realized how much I value people and God's love and that no matter what I do in the future those two things are going to shape what I do and where I go. It has been people and God's love that have gotten me through everything I have faced in life so far and it will be those two things that continue to drive me. I love people and want them to know God's love and that is all there is to it. I don't care where I am or where I go.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but it is helping me to process. I love God. God loves me. God loves people. God has asked me to love people. Thus I have purpose to keep going. Keep pushing through the grammar that I hate and the classes that I am praying I pass. I have reason to keep engaging in community here and stop being a perfectionist. I have passion to continue pursuing relationships even though they take work and time. I have love to cover over a multitude of sins.
I love the way that Jon Foreman puts it:
"Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me"

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